only last day this senior approached me in college and told me that i had quietened down. i wasn't cursing people with my everlasting choicest swear words and i wasn't there to care about anything anymore as such. a friend of mine thought that i was slowly progressing towards an emotional doom (i am reading painful and extensively depressing things nowadays). all of it irritates me. there has been this oe question that pangs me. "why me?" i was never meant to face this. i was supposed to be this very vibrant and happy girl who could laugh at anything in the world. i laugh less now and that senior thought i was suffering from some "shorir kharap". i talked to ma about this and she thinks that its with time that everyone matures and they start feeling this way. if that is true, then why these pathetic lines of thoughts to accompany my process to maturity? if this is how one is supposed to feel while they mature, then i would rather stay immature. i hate maturing.
what is maturity? the ability to practically analyse things and take decisions accordingly. in bangla, we may call it "bujhdaar howa, mene neoa". it was so good back in school. i never really gave any thought to anything anymore really. why was this happeng to me?
i will become schizophrenic in a few days...and i can feel it. all the best to me.