second christmas...

brush past the absurdities, as the past is beckoning me wildly. going back to it and constantly realising the surreal values that were put into my power jammed head once upon a time. i am thoughtful of what has been happening lately. i am curious and aware of my surroundings. this is one life where i can absolutely enjoy. i am waiting for the insane. my nerves are failing me.

what makes the doom even more obvious is my conscience that prepares itself to face it. i am waiting hard to get away from the hoard to unrealistic romances (i mean it in the periodic form). i have idly succumbed to all the preoccupations. fair and square...i am hoping against hopes. where be the Christmas lights? and most importantly, that one reindeer bell that santa stitches across some one's fortunate revolution? that part is passe. its gone and is inviting a hoard of calamities. calamities that makes me design a rebirth of my sublimated self like that of a Phoenix. i am here, and i am happy.

i am happily taking the blame for all the riots that have broken the seal that clasped the brain to the skull. who is here to take care of the hundred million questions that i call myself? mysterious and ominous, all the grim signs foretell a disaster that will be defined...by me? well! maybe, someday. someday when i am curious enough to do what i want. i am fair! honesty uplifted, and scars healed to skin. the deliverance of the evil, makeshift countenances, they call for me. my vocabulary is not that strong, it makes me stammer.

"happy days are here again, say, fa la la la la la la la la "..where be my Christmas bells? where be the polar express. significance has been rekindled to the burning ghats of a decayed mind. blood gore and vengeance...are we watching? no! there is no Messiah today, no second Christmas...

mind games

bleep! bleep!

that sound kept playing in my head which was already full of bizzare thoughts. and bizzare were they. things were taking an unpleasant turn everytime i looked into tha hallowed lanes of my murky mind. who was i fooling??

here we are then. i was standing at the entrance of the alley, a thousand thoughts racing through my head. what were they? the darkness in the entrance and there was no trace of light in the end. i had to stop searching for my existance now. what proved to be sincerely amazing was the power to fool people around me. i was fooling more than a thousand people who knew me well and followed me and my chores with their suspicious eyes. i was running about in the cosy circle and the bubble walls were not easy to break! i was trapped. trapped amidst the slow assault of supersonic sound. the sonorous slithering ropes were beating my eardrums and the entire thing hurt! i was hurt. i was out of sorts. there was a chance of a breakdown. a blackout. yet i continued.

BANG!!

reality check!

i was standing again. and this time i was in the middle of the alley. i could see the silhouetted structure of my brain now. yes. i had found my mind. the curtains could open now. the play had started. everywhere, the silence was playing shots that were hard for me to decipher. i was waiting again to be shoved into the bamboozle. six feet under.

between all the misconceptions about me, lay i, with what i was. there was no problem whatsoever, with all the related stories. stories were scarce. so there was nothing to build on. hence i was wasting a lot of time in the cacophany! i was not in a position to let slip, the relentless miseries. there was no time even in the slow recapitulation. games? mind games. i was ready for all of them.

the beat of the "dhak"

pujas are here finally. this is good...it keeps my mind off a lot of things. we would have a feast very soon at my place...on "saptami". there are a lot of things that have taken place in the past few days....the new guys at college have become teenagers(i am talking about the ones that walk on four legs of course). "my guy" was always found to be cuddling them. we had our freshers where i won the vocals competition. was competition really....with the likes of bob dylan and taylor swift coming up to sing and compete against me. i was scared. then came the guitarist to my rescue. this guy is in my college and plays awesome guitars for the growler. now i have been telling him that he should bestow his talents somewhere else...at least somewhere that is worth it. i have been dealing with him for quite a long time now. for instance, this guy cannot ask the girl he likes out....yet she wears his favourite "hello kitty" t-shirt to college to please him. this is so bad. i hate this. he should me more specific. now this guy almost pulled me out of the safe dark confinements of the audi (where the rising sun was also romancing his "coy mistress"), and pulled me on stage witha guitar telling me that i had to sing...i did sing...half hearted..all jittery and shaky. and i won. weird. that was great though. the growler congratulated me as i had finally gone and shown my expertise on stage.
then comes the puja holidays. pujas are nice. you can wear good looking clothes and also watch other pretty ladies. girls love showing off their finery. that is good. i am sporting no different look this time. i am a little pissed with the pujas coming early. there are also the "dhak" beats that are going to mesmerize me for the four days of fun and frolic. what is so good about the pujas is that the air smells real good in all these few days. imagine having the aroma of the "shiulis" and the agarbattis and also the "dhunucchi".....the thought alone will give you a high. the entire aspect of being a "bangali" becomes so evident here. one time when you can proudly proclaim your community name...the feel of pujas is here.
i can hear the faint beats of the "dhak"... i think they are playing it in my "para".
the only thing that has kept my gloom to the minimum is probably the pujas. i am going to enjoy every moment of it...i just know that i will.
hey!!!on a different note...my blog is clean today...no dirt....i am sure losing my charm.
i will post again. maybe after the four fun filled days....till then folks...happy nibbling, and happy gnawing.