second christmas...

brush past the absurdities, as the past is beckoning me wildly. going back to it and constantly realising the surreal values that were put into my power jammed head once upon a time. i am thoughtful of what has been happening lately. i am curious and aware of my surroundings. this is one life where i can absolutely enjoy. i am waiting for the insane. my nerves are failing me.

what makes the doom even more obvious is my conscience that prepares itself to face it. i am waiting hard to get away from the hoard to unrealistic romances (i mean it in the periodic form). i have idly succumbed to all the preoccupations. fair and square...i am hoping against hopes. where be the Christmas lights? and most importantly, that one reindeer bell that santa stitches across some one's fortunate revolution? that part is passe. its gone and is inviting a hoard of calamities. calamities that makes me design a rebirth of my sublimated self like that of a Phoenix. i am here, and i am happy.

i am happily taking the blame for all the riots that have broken the seal that clasped the brain to the skull. who is here to take care of the hundred million questions that i call myself? mysterious and ominous, all the grim signs foretell a disaster that will be defined...by me? well! maybe, someday. someday when i am curious enough to do what i want. i am fair! honesty uplifted, and scars healed to skin. the deliverance of the evil, makeshift countenances, they call for me. my vocabulary is not that strong, it makes me stammer.

"happy days are here again, say, fa la la la la la la la la "..where be my Christmas bells? where be the polar express. significance has been rekindled to the burning ghats of a decayed mind. blood gore and vengeance...are we watching? no! there is no Messiah today, no second Christmas...

mind games

bleep! bleep!

that sound kept playing in my head which was already full of bizzare thoughts. and bizzare were they. things were taking an unpleasant turn everytime i looked into tha hallowed lanes of my murky mind. who was i fooling??

here we are then. i was standing at the entrance of the alley, a thousand thoughts racing through my head. what were they? the darkness in the entrance and there was no trace of light in the end. i had to stop searching for my existance now. what proved to be sincerely amazing was the power to fool people around me. i was fooling more than a thousand people who knew me well and followed me and my chores with their suspicious eyes. i was running about in the cosy circle and the bubble walls were not easy to break! i was trapped. trapped amidst the slow assault of supersonic sound. the sonorous slithering ropes were beating my eardrums and the entire thing hurt! i was hurt. i was out of sorts. there was a chance of a breakdown. a blackout. yet i continued.

BANG!!

reality check!

i was standing again. and this time i was in the middle of the alley. i could see the silhouetted structure of my brain now. yes. i had found my mind. the curtains could open now. the play had started. everywhere, the silence was playing shots that were hard for me to decipher. i was waiting again to be shoved into the bamboozle. six feet under.

between all the misconceptions about me, lay i, with what i was. there was no problem whatsoever, with all the related stories. stories were scarce. so there was nothing to build on. hence i was wasting a lot of time in the cacophany! i was not in a position to let slip, the relentless miseries. there was no time even in the slow recapitulation. games? mind games. i was ready for all of them.