crime to conscience..

looking at the scenery around me and i was a little unnerved. the petty reason that enabled my standing there surprised me beyond all eternity. i was having a nice time trying to encompass the things that were running through my vain mind. literary deficit? or mindless intellectualised approach? i dunno. but the black coats moving around me gave me quite an "au revoir"!!

deja vu!
yes i have been here. i have scented the long lasting fragrance that moulded, rusted iron leaves in your hands after you hold them for a long time and beat your head against them. a momentary blankness was making its way across the veritable mine of gold that i usually refer to as my mind. a colossal wreckage of grey matter, a wastage of all the capillaries and cells that enabled me to make myself, and here i was, trying to debate whether i was the criminal!
dark! the process was encrusting upon me, its fused hallow. impregnated be thy mind! i am not the one standing here..the spirit of lethargy has eaten it up...
while i waited for the eternal truth i was to be sentenced. i was waiting for it patiently. and then maybe, it would go to the gaols...me...i mean my body. the very reason i refer to myself as "it" now is that the rotten crust of my wrecked brain had died out now and i was gloating at it. that was the only reaction, or rather expression that i retained now. there was no trying to decipher what the apparent meant when they opened my case file. i was to be damned to eternal damnation and i was ready for it. wait! ready?! what readiness are we talking about in here? there needs to be in a person, his or her presence of mind, to incorporate any kind of mortal emotions, even the likes of something like courage...

"ekti mitthye bhul..jeeboner banaan ta ki palte felte pare? raater shesh kona tuku diyeo jodi tomake dekhte pai, dhonno mone korbo nijeke..dekha dao...ami trishnarto..."
last few lines from the poem that he wrote for me..i could remember the words from the part of the wreckage that could still act as a computer that stored such monumental database. but the shiver it stirred through me on the day he read that out under the thatched asbestos, when it rained hard, could not be found...
and they were sentencing me now i guess! reception was done for...
"miss xxx, after going through the evidences and listening to the accounts of the various witnesses, we have reached our verdict and this court of conscience finds you guilty of murdering your thoughts and the mind that you possess. you are thereby sentenced to an imprisonment of a lifetime behind the bars of insanity. court is adjourned..."